Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god.

Deep breath.

With more oh my god's. I think my mother thinks I am mad. I have been going around the house/garden/streets/Southern Railways muttering this to myself over and over again.

No, I am not normally in the habit of invoking deities with great repetition. It's just - oh my god. You know, necessary. It saves trying to articulate any form of coherent thought.

My thoughts are spectacularly incoherent at the moment. They're all purple and red and dancing and happy little explosions and Handel's Messiah, with occasional spurts of NaNo plot. So, almost useful, really.

I still almost don't believe that this is real. I can't quite countenance that this is for me and not somebody else. It's like reaching out to touch something you're not quite certain is there. But then again, you really, really want to reach out for it and never let it go.

I must reply to the e-mail. It is Most Necessary! But knowing what to say is difficult. I'd rather wait, really, as Friday is only tomorrow. But I also want to reply to reassure myself and reassure you, if you need reassurance. And for other reasons. I know it only needs to be short, and then once I've written it there's the dilemma of how to hit Send.

This is not like me. I should not be scared of a Send button. Send buttons do not have fangs and claws.

(If they did they might be less scary.)

All is well. I know it is well. But I almost don't know.

Oh God.

Oh Bugger.

Only, really Not Bugger. Because this is all so strange and wonderful and above all a Good Thing, very probably the Best Thing.

Oh God.